Paperboy
by ShadowSilk
Summary: Crackfic. Tobi couldn't understand why Deidara disliked being paperboy so much. As he lovingly flung the newspaper at the house, and as it sailed and crashed through the window, Tobi decided that being a paperboy was probably the best job ever. Oneshot.


**Author's Note**: Just a quick little crackfic! Takes place in Amegakure.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

Paperboy

By ShadowSilk

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It was not yet dawn. As Tobi cracked open one eye and glanced out the window, he could see that the street lights were still on, their weak light casting the street in a sickly glow.

Yawning, Tobi stretched his arms and rolled out of bed. He began to hum as he pulled his bed sheets taut over the mattress. Smiling sleepily, Tobi carefully fluffed and arranged his pillows. He always took pride in his bed-making ability.

A loud snore interrupted his cheerful humming. Tobi looked over at the bed adjacent to his. Deidara, sprawled across his mattress and blissfully unaware of the spot of drool on his chin, was sound asleep. He mumbled something and flopped on his side.

Tobi smiled. Deidara-sempai was such a sleepyhead. He looked so comfortable; it would be such a shame to wake him up for his paper route.

The Akatsuki was suffering financial troubles, much to the chagrin of Kakuzu. To compensate for their losses, the leader had ordered every single one of his members to temporarily find side jobs to fund their organization. While Tobi had become the housekeeper for a kindly old woman down the street, Deidara had grudgingly picked the position of newspaper delivery boy. It was tiring job, rousing him in the wee hours of the morning. He always came back to the Akatsuki house so tired and grumpy.

Tobi tilted his head to the side, studying Deidara's peaceful face. Sempai had been working _so_ hard lately.

It was then that Tobi decided he would help Deidara out.

With decisive movements, Tobi shuffled over to his partner's bedside table and switched off the alarm clock. He quickly changed into something warm and began to head out the door.

Tobi looked over his shoulder, taking one last glimpse of his diligent sempai.

"Sweet dreams, Deidara-sempai!" Tobi whispered, waggling his fingers in parting.

With that, he quietly shut the door behind him, leaving behind an oblivious Deidara.

* * *

The early morning air was cold on his neck. Tobi was glad that he had worn something warm. 

He spotted Deidara's bicycle leaning against the house's porch. A large canvas bag was carelessly thrown against its frame.

Tobi quickly slung the bag over his shoulder. It was very heavy, cutting painfully into his shoulder. He ignored the discomfort and mounted the bike.

With one push of his foot, he was off.

* * *

Deidara, grumbling under his breath, threw back the covers and stumbled out of bed. 

Funny. His alarm clock hadn't gone off.

The green numbers on the clock's face blared at him. Deidara's eyes went wide.

Deidara bounded down the stairs and nearly crashed into Itachi. The Uchiha did not look pleased.

"Move, un!" Deidara snarled. "I'm late!"

Itachi did not move. "For your paper route?"

"Yes!" Why did the Uchiha have to start talking _now_? "Get out of the way! I need to leave right now, un!"

Itachi stared at him.

"No, you don't."

Deidara exasperatedly tapped his fingers against the banister.

"What are you talking about, un?"

Itachi was emotionless.

"Tobi left on your bike ten minutes ago."

"_What_?!"

Itachi pushed past Deidara and continued his ascension up the staircase. "I advise that you rise at an earlier time, to prevent this from happening again."

Deidara gritted his teeth. He was going to _kill_ that kid when he got back.

"_TOBIIII_!"

* * *

Tobi coasted down the street. The spokes on his bicycle were a blur. 

He had never felt so _free_.

Tobi turned a corner and headed down a quiet street. He and his bicycle whizzed through the circular spotlights of the street lamps above, spearing through each in quick succession.

He was soon at his first street. The houses were spaced evenly apart, each perfectly square. A row of little boxes surrounded by perfectly square plots of land.

Tobi pedaled more slowly. As he approached the first house, he dug into the canvas bag and grasped a newspaper in his hand.

With great force, he flung the newspaper in the house's direction, willing for it to connect with the front stoop.

Unfortunately, the paper didn't obey.

With an explosive _bang_ that would have made even Deidara proud, the paper crashed through the house's front window. The glass shattered into a thousand fragments. Hydrangeas residing under the window soon found themselves under siege from an onslaught of sharp pieces.

"Well…now they don't have to go outside for the paper!" Tobi reasoned, trying to find the bright side to things.

The next house was coming into view. Tobi pulled another bound newspaper from his side pouch.

_CRASH_! That newspaper found itself lodged in the gutter.

_BANG_! The next newspaper painfully connected with the neighbor's cat.

At the next dwelling, Tobi vowed that the newspaper would meet its mark. Biting his lip and hoping for the best, Tobi threw the paper.

An early-morning jogger was making his way down the street. His breathing was heavy; sweat was dripping off his chin. He muttered to himself. His wife had insisted that he get some exercise. What did she know? He could very well get mugged or worse out here in the open.

Unbeknownst to him, a speeding object was coming straight at him. The jogger looked down at his feet, which were trudging slowly over the pavement. A shoelace trailed across the ground. Sighing, he crouched down and began to retie his laces.

If he had not stopped to attend to his shoelaces, the paper would have missed him.

Poor unfortunate soul.

A large object clouted him right in the head. A moment later, it brought with it a large amount of pain.

Though Tobi wasn't aware of it, he had a very powerful, if extremely inaccurate, throw.

The jogger lay spread-eagled over the sidewalk. His vision was ebbing. With a dull sense of satisfaction, he realized was slipping into unconsciousness. He had been right. His wife had been oh-so wrong.

Upon his chest lay a rolled-up newspaper, encircled with a tight rubber band.

Tobi gave him an apologetic glance.

But at least the man would have something to entertain him when he woke up, right?

Tobi continued pedaling, tucking one hand into his canvas bag, readying himself for the next hundred or so houses.

He knew he would do a job-well-done in the end. Tobi cracked a merry smile. He was so helpful to Deidara-sempai.

* * *

It was many hours later when Tobi returned. Deidara was seated at the dining room table, wringing his hands. As the front door clicked open, the explosives specialist leapt to his feet. 

"How _dare _you—"

"Deidara-sempai!" Tobi exclaimed. He rushed over and enveloped his partner in a bear hug. "Surprise!"

"_Ack_! Let go of me, un!"

"Sempai!" said Tobi, releasing the frazzled man. "Did you have a good sleep? I did your paper route for you!"

Deidara was glaring at him. "You better have good news, un. You didn't mess anything up, did you?"

"No, not at all!" Tobi replied. He beamed. "They're not going to press charges!"

Deidara felt faint. "Press…charges?"

"Oh, it's nothing, sempai," Tobi assured him. "He's going to be okay! And that cat was going to be euthanized anyways."

"_What_?!"

"I thought that was a lot of fun! I don't know why Deidara-sempai hates his job so much."

Deidara was woozy.

Tobi gave Deidara a cheery smile. "Well, Tobi has to go take a shower now! See you later, sempai!"

As he skipped up the stairs, humming happily to himself, Deidara collapsed on the kitchen floor. He was out cold.

Itachi entered the kitchen. He disdainfully stepped over Deidara's unconscious form.

"Tch."

And he got himself a bowl of cereal.

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**A/N**: Hope you liked it! Reviews would be extremely appreciated!


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